EMERALD ISLE - In an impromptu press conference on this sunny beach, Deputy Assistant Governor Pat McCrory today discounted news of an alarming spike in greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. With CO2 reaching concentrations not seen in millions of years, policy makers in many states are alarmed about potential impacts such as rising sea level.

"We're fortunate here in North Carolina," said McCrory. "Last year we took the prudent step of making it illegal for sea levels to rise. The same applies to CO2. We've also prohibited North Carolina planners from using data coming from other states or from the federal government. Have no fear. We are safe."

When a local marina operator told McCrory that his business would soon be underwater, McCrory mistakenly assumed the company was going bankrupt. "No sir," said Buddy Lee of Morehead City. "I'm talking about actually seeing my buildings and facilities taken over by the rising ocean."

"That cain't be happening," said McCrory. "Tell that damn ocean it is illegal to rise here in North Carolina. And if it doesn't listen, I'll send down the National Guard to arrest the son of a bitch."

I just wanted to congratulate and share about the great work a coalition of ECU students did in getting an anti-voter suppression resolution passed by the Greenville City Council last night. The resolution opposed SB 666, cuts to early voting, and barriers to voting in general. Here's a little bit of the work that led up to it.

On campus tabling & rally:

Hey y'all,

I just wanted to drop by and update you on the goings-on of the Young Democrats of North Carolina.

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Stephen Colbert declared himself a North Carolina native this week during a segment on "The Colbert Report" in which he discussed his sister, Elizabeth Colbert Busch, losing a congressional election in his home state of South Carolina to former disgraced South Carolina governor Mark Sanford.

The angry Colbert said he felt betrayed by his home state and would turn his back on it. "From now on," he said. "And I never thought I'd say this, I am from North Carolina. No, I have to -- I have to! I'm a Tar Heel now! Whatever the f*#$ that means."

Colbert then went on to profess his love for the state bird, the cardinal (after consulting an Almanac to get the bird's name right). "That's a stupid bird," he said. "But it's mine now."