Dear King Abdullah
Submitted by James on Fri, 01/29/2010 - 10:30am
Your Majesty,
Now that you are planning to buy intervene in the US Congress to secure our continuing dependence on your oil fields, may I inquire if you might be interested in buying North Carolina as well?
We're a swell state, though we currently have a few budget problems that will likely get worse before they get better. But don't despair, there's nothing but upside for Your Majesty. While some of your competitors like Bank of America, Duke Energy, Blue Cross, and Variety Wholesalers are lining up to buy our General Assembly, the bidding has just begun. If I were Your Majesty, I'd take that as a chrome-plated invitation to come on down!
We have several nice islands available for the right price, not to mention a state transportation department and university system with full naming rights on demand. Fedex recently bought a whole curriculum on the UNC campus, and my master, Art Pope, has also purchased the economics department at NC State. But there are literally hundreds of other opportunities to purchase sewer plants, state parks, school boards, ABC stores and more!
Please do let us know if and when you'd like a grand tour of all our state has to offer foreign investors today. But hurry! Others are lining up to buy candidates for election this fall. With redistricting on the agenda, it will be especially important to Your Majesty. Senate seats Franchises are available for pennies on the dollar, while they last.
Yours in free market solidarity,
John Hood
PS Please don't let Mr. Pope know that I have extended this offer of support. The truth is, he's not paying me enough for the invaluable, ahem, services I provide and I would gladly welcome a new Master.
- James's blog
- 936 reads
Dear John
I'm not sure I need to invest in you guys more than I already am. I have more US dollars that you folks already. And you are dependent on my oil as you don't really have an energy policy other than buying from me and the princes. China, India and Europe seem to be better investments. You guys look like you are going bankrupt anyway. How do you keep spending more money than you take in? Is that good business? You have no health care policy. You are fighting two wars and looking for more. Why are you sending more troops to Afghanistan? They ain't got no oil have they? Just doesn't look like you guys are very consistent. What money you don't spend on my oil you spend in China. You are in hock to China and in hock to me. Why do I want to invest in a country where so many houses go into foreclosure. Your unemployment rate is rising faster than oil prices. There's just too much risk with you guys. And it looks to me as you guys are the ones doing a lot of that global warming business. Let me run, I've got to go lash a little girl and cut a few heads off. But I'll keep your offer in mind. Keep the dollars coming and I'll keep pumping oil. I might invest in some of those dollar stores. They seem to be the only stores offering what you folks can afford.
Regards,
The King
P.S. At least some of you know how to bow in the presence of royalty. Pass the word. Peace out.
Pesky Facts - It's Canada for oil
We import more oil from Canada than anywhere else.
We're more dependent on the Governor General of Canada than a Saudi prince (4th place). Mexico and Nigeria are second and third.
Even better
They can bid against one another!
Did you see that the Hood made KO's
Worst Person in the World?
A fitting honor!
Hadn't seen that, Momo. Perfect.