An Important Investment Opportunity

We are seeking investors for our new offering - BuyAmericanPoliticians.com - the web's one-stop shopping site for political influence in Washington and all 50 states.

Our business will focus on peddling influence to foreign interests who were barred from contributing to U.S. political campaigns until the Supreme Court's recent Citizens United v. FEC decision.

Our products will include:

  • - Forming U.S. corporations to channel foreign funds to support sympathetic U.S. politicians
  • - Recruiting, training, and funding candidates to run against unsympathetic U.S. politicians
  • - Turn-key state-of-the-art political research, messaging, targeting, and media services
  • - Grassroots, netroots, and Astroturf organizing
  • - Anything else we can get paid for and get away with

Our customers will include:

  • - Foreign businesses seeking to change US trade policy
  • - Foreign governments seeking to change US foreign policy
  • - Foreign terrorists seeking to change US security policy
  • - Anybody else we can get paid by and get away with

Our sales pitch is an offer they can't refuse:
We're having this simple message translated into hundreds of languages:

Dear Foreign Moneybags,

American corporations have long known it costs more to play by the rules than to pay our politicians to change them. Now, for the first time, our Supreme Court has made it possible for you to get in on the action!

With a few mouse clicks (and a few million euros) you can change U.S. policy to suit your agenda. Just log on to BuyAmericanPoliticians.com, enter your policy objectives, and wire-transfer the money -- we'll handle the rest! It's so easy, even a man in a cave can do it!

Need a quota lifted? A neighboring country invaded? Some U.N. inspectors called off? No problem. For the right price, US politicians will vote for just about anything.

There's only one Super Power left in the world. Do you want it working for you or against you? Visit BuyAmericanPoliticians.com today - before your enemies do!

Don't Just Buy American - BuyAmericanPoliticians.com!

Get in on the ground floor:
There's a Tsunami of foreign payola headed for our shores. Will you surf the wave or drown? Reply to this email for investment information and a prospectus on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!

For more information please contact Lewis Tager, PO Box 951, Gastonia NC 28053. Posted with permission from principle.

Comments

I LOVED it !!

Hahahaha. That was great !

Jerimee, I would like to send this to a couple of my repug buddies to jerk their chain a bit but wanted to ask you first if that'd be okay or if you think the "principle' person would not mind. At least one of them would probably put it on one of his rightie blogs, so consider that.

Thanks.

Foxtrot

Forward widely

Feel free to forward widely.

Please credit Lewis Tager, Gastonia NC as the author and ask that checks be made out to him.

I didn't actually write the piece, I just posted it here with CEO Lewis Tager's permission.

Thanks, Jerimee

Just did not want to do something inappropriate. 'Preciate it.

Great post.

I like buy your government-thank you

Thank you for your letter. You very kind write to me.

I am definitely interested in buying influence in your American government as I have a stake in your future. You Americans have been good customer for long time and I want you continue to prosper. I fear your record deficit spending will bankrupt your country and I lose much euros and wampum. My friend and I will send you money so that we can help America to stay financially sound. It is sad to see such great power sinking into oblivion.

But we very glad to see your American president escalate war in Afghanistan as that make money for everybody but troops. And we want to see you spend more money on that global warming deal. That good for business. We want to buy influence so that your government can have more consistency. You are all over the place depending on what poll numbers say. Do you not have any convictions other than what pollster say. You do know that some pollster lie? We want how you say to help you stay the course.

We want invest in America so you no go broke. It will be like foreign stimulus. Like foreign cash for clunker-country. Like a foreign entitlement program. Like foreign bailout for America. We want stop meltdown your economy. But we not like you take big bonus out of our bailout money. That not good. That like stealing. We cut your hands off for stealing. Capeshe?

We pay to keep you from no bankrupt so we can still make money off you. Thank you for buying our products. You #1 Joe. We love you long time. Please don’t go broke. We help buy your government. At least buy that part your government not already owned by the lobbyists we already pay covertly. Covertly is big word we learn from your American CIA who meddle in our country affairs. But that ok now that they prop us up so we can buy you. They give us guns and money. Thank you. That very fine. No MSG.

Thank you very much. Always a pleasure to doing business with you.

Kilroy

P.S. You need cheap drugs you call me. We have US of A made prescription meds at fraction cost. And good US of A trained doctors who take care you fraction cost. Fly over here and we take care of your health at low rates. You vacation while recuperate. Have very much fun. Buy nice souvenirs. Take home new wife if like. Very cheap with none of the American nagging wife syndrome. You be very happy.

Very funny

BTW, I know where it's all heading. I have seen the future, and it is here.

____________________________________

“Don't tell me what you value, show me your budget, and I'll tell you what you value.”
― Joe Biden

I laughed outloud

when I got to this part:

Grassroots, netroots, and Astroturf organizing

:)

sharing on fb

Is there a link to share this on Facebook?

This was great

all good satire has at least one foot squarely in the truth. Well done.

-b
--

There cannot fail to be more kinds of things, as nature grows further disclosed. - Sir Francis Bacon