My letter to Renee Elmers

Dear Ms. Elmers,

Thanks so much for you making the Park 51 building a center of your campaign. It is so important that we care about this issue in North Carolina. Now that you've addressed what matters in New York, I will hope that you will also address these other out-of-state issues as well: :

* Seattle is considering a $2 billion dollar tunnel for Highway 99. If they are building a tunnel that expensive, shouldn't it go to Raleigh? Pearl Jam is from Seattle, and a lot of Pearl Jam fans live in NC. Imagine how thrilled they would be if they could go straight there with no traffic lights!

* A goat was killed in a drive-by in Sante Fe. North Carolina has goats. How long before we have goat drive-by killings? Bob Etheridge has not weighed in on this issue, I'll bet he's for goat drive-by killings. This could be disastrous to the North Carolina goat economy!

*Somebody in Pennsylvania was seen humping a dinosaur. I'll bet Rick Santorum is all over that! (Not literally. Get your mind out of the gutter). This man-on-dinosaur action is a disgrace, but since they are only six thousand years old anyway I'll bet neanderthals were up for a little Tyrannosaurus Sex sometimes. But it could break up marriages here in North Carolina, and put a lot of people out on the street. It couldn't hurt to add a Constitutional amendment.

All of these issues are really important to North Carolina's economy. Your support of these out-of-state issues could really make the difference.

Your fan,

Sean Balkwill

P.S. The only reason I am supporting Bob Etheridge (except for the goat killing thing) is I don't have a job. If I lived up in New York, I could maybe see increasing the power of the federal government to step in on local zoning regulations and changing the first amendment to prevent people from saying or praying how they wished.

You would do so well in New York! You should move there!

Comments

Thanks for the laugh

I didn't think I was capable of it today.

Progressives are the true conservatives.

I have not gotten a response.

So I'm assuming everything's a go. I have full confidence in her in winning. That is why I am announcing that I am cashing in my 401k to start an LLC producing goat Kevlar vests. Who's with me?

Sorry for the delay in a response, but

I was working. Some of us have to work to support the people that don't have jobs. If you put as much energy in looking for a job, as you did in composing this laughable (and not the way you intended) blurb, you might find work. Why don't you use your free time to educate yourself or learn a skill so that you can get a job? You could set an example for other little democrats showing them that you can actually contribute to society, instead of asking for (asking takes too much energy, so I'll use "expecting") handouts. Oh that's right, you're 'blue'. That explains it all.

Darn tootin...

Ever durn one of them miilions that dun lost ther jobs is fer shure a knee jerk, bed-wetting librul thet planned on lettin ther home forclose, tak thur kid outta colege, and all such jest so they cud git a handout frum sum hard-workin sef sufficient stud lak yiu.

Ah knows yu en yer probly fella red-staters is all beter edjicated en mor skilful then oll them foks. Ya'll praly won't tak no Social Secuity er Medicare whens ya turn old either...cuz yer better 'em....tru patiots and all.

Stan Bozarth

This is Puzzling

Anyone can add a comment here, but as for the curious choice of the word "response", SelfSufficient is giving the impression that they are Renee Ellmers. I'm not sure why anyone would pose as Renee Ellmers, but, regardless, there's only two possibilities. Either the person is misinformed about Renee Ellmers, or Renee Ellmers is misinformed.

Mrs. Ellmers does not pay unemployment insurance in North Carolina because she doesn't own a business—or hasn't declared one when she filed her financials when she ran for Congress. SelfSuffiicient does not know if I receive either state or federal unemployment insurance, nor does it matter to them. If you, SelfSufficient, wish to make the case that UI benefits are a part of an employees benefit package because you work for a business and that all employees pay into the fund, congratulations—you've just admitted that I paid into the system and therefore have some claim to benefits. Otherwise, you have no argument, because you are inferring you are Renee Ellmers.

If Selfsufficent is Renee Ellmers, the Ellmers are not exactly the bastion of fiscal prudence, according to the financials she reported. The Ellmers are just like Congress, and most Americans for that matter: they are heavily in debt. They have over $50,000 in credit card debt. I'll have to say, that doesn't sound very self sufficient to me, that sounds like everyone else in this country, being beholden to a Bank. It definitely doesn't make the case for fiscal responsibility.

My original letter satired a vicious ad that Mrs. Ellmers put out that made an issue out of attacking religious freedom for some Americans in another state. This issue surely got her elected in a close race, but it has nothing to do with the economic concerns of North Carolineans. And that was my point. Her war is not for a better North Carolina, but against North Carolina.

Against North Carolineans who have been conned in the refinancing of their house. Against North Carolineans who have lost their jobs to people in other countries who work for a slave wage. Against North Carolineans' faith, if it is not hers. Against North Carolineans who have paid with their taxes and their lives in an illegal war charged on a credit card, while the wealthy got a rebate and used that rebate to invest in other countries instead of the Tarheel State. To be against North Carolineans, ironically enough, will probably get Renee Ellmers kicked off the government dole in two years. After all, even the unemployed still have to pay taxes and support her salary.

Mrs. Ellmers is going to Washington, D.C. with the naive notion that there is no corruption in business. One could argue, with the mortgage crisis as well as the quid pro quo of government and lobbyists, that it takes two to tango. I would make the case that government regulation is a moral cause to protect North Carolineans. Jesus regulated Herod's Temple, I don't hear any Christians complaining about that. I would suggest that SelfSufficient support policies that increase tax revenues, such as job creation, rather than waste time trying to dance around a war that has cost North Carolina a dear price, but we are now stuck with. In other words, you can't return the Afghanistan War to Belk's and get a refund.

I hope that SelfSufficient is not Renee Ellmers, because not only does this person show an ignorance of policy, they show an arrogance and classism unbefitting for someone seeking to represent the people in North Carolina as a servant to them. The last thing we need is another elitist going to Washington to only care about paying off their own credit card bills.

Sincerely,

Sean Balkwill