Talking to teens about sex

Some good research now available, showing that the effective way for parents to communicate with teens about sex is to start by listening. The tough-guy model of laying down the law doesn't work. If you want your teen to have a decent shot at avoiding pregnancy or disease, take a closer look:

In addition, adolescents are often dissatisfied with the way in which their parents approach and handle conversations about sex. Rosenthal et al. (2001) found that adolescents perceived their parents to be controlling, deciding what would be discussed, and using a lecturing style when discussing sex with them. In a survey of teenaged girls, Pistella and Bonati (1999) found that more than half of the girls wished their parents would listen more and talk with them more like an adult. The lack of an open and supportive environment, combined with parents’ dominance in the conversations, could produce low perceived efficacy of parent-child sex communication among adolescents, which could eventually cause adolescents to avoid talking about sex with their parents (Feldman & Rosenthal, 2000).

On the other hand, parents who use a more supportive, open style of conversation tend to have adolescents who experience more positive outcomes, such as postponement of sexual experience, modest sexual intercourse, use of contraceptives, and knowledge of birth control and STDs. Kotchick, Dorsey, Miller, and Forehand (1999) found that open and receptive communication styles were related to less adolescent sexual risk taking. Interestingly, the content of communication – what parents actually said - was not a predictor of sexual outcomes. In addition, Mueller and Powers (1990) found that parents who used a friendly, attentive, and open communication style were more likely to have adolescents who practiced safe sex. Whalen, Henker, Hollingshead, and Burgess (1996) also found that parents who were less directive in their communications tended to have children who knew more about
AIDS.

Finally, Lefkowitz, Sigman, and Au (2000) found that their intervention program, in which mothers were trained to reduce their amount of speaking, ask more open-ended questions, and act less judgmental, was related to more knowledge gain about AIDS among adolescent females.

Research on parenting styles more generally makes the distinction between an open, warm communication style and one that is focused on parents asserting their power and upholding their dominant place in the family hierarchy (Baumrind, 1968). Research supports the notion that a communication style that is tailored to the needs of the child and that encourages parent-child exchange of ideas and reasoning is more effective than one that is based on punishments, love withdrawal, and the assertion of power (Baumrind, 1997; Hoffman, 1970).