Did you read Mad comics when you were a kid? I did, mostly because an uncle assured me that they were funny, and I was young and naive enough to give him the benefit of the doubt. "The Lighter Side Of..." series should have been enough to send me on to other things.... But I digress.
My goal this week is to let our NC legislators know how important climate change is to our readers (that's you; you're a reader). The three step process is simple: 1) figure out who represents you; 2) drop them a line letting you know that you're concerned about climate change; and 3) suggest to a friend that they do the same. Everything you need to know is right here. Please—take five minutes right now to let your mouthpieces in the General Assembly know that you give a crap, and that you'd appreciate it if they took action.
In the service of this goal, I've offered up practical tips and a nightmare vision of our not-too-distant future. Today I'm going for "laughing in the face of danger!" Here are a few of my favorite climate change jokes. Add your own in the comments!
"President Bush told reporters he won't see Al Gore's documentary about the threat of global warming. He will not see it. On the other hand, Dick Cheney said he's seen the global warming film five times, and it still cracks him up." —Conan O'Brien
"According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the White House." —Jay Leno
"Al Gore has a hit movie called 'An Inconvenient Truth.' I have an inconvenient truth for him: you're still not the president. ... This past weekend, Al Gore's movie, 'An Inconvenient Truth,' earned more per screen than any film in the country. ... I dare say Gore's movie is the highest grossing PowerPoint presentation in history. ... Global warming: Can we live with it? ... It is time we did something, namely resign ourselves to doing nothing [on screen: Follow Congress' Lead]. ... For instance, when sea levels rise, we'll just build levees [on screen: Worked for New Orleans]" —Stephen Colbert
"Has anybody seen the Al Gore movie about global warming and the environment? Well, the Bush administration has seen it and they are very annoyed about the whole thing. As a matter of fact, earlier today, Dick Cheney shot a projectionist. ... One very dramatic scene in the Al Gore global warming movie is when a glacier melts and they find more Al Gore ballots from the election." —David Letterman
"President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said 'It's just springtime.'" —Jay Leno
"Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And today, Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical. Two cyborgs, 'Oh, let's blame the humans.'" —Jay Leno
"Al Gore is coming out with a movie about global warming called 'An Inconvenient Truth.' It's described as a detailed scientific view of global warming. President Bush said he just saw a film about global warming, 'Ice Age 2; The Meltdown.' He said, 'It's so much better than that boring Al Gore movie.'" —Jay Leno
"They say if the warming trend continues, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out." —Jay Leno, on global warming
"We estimate that there are perhaps 20,000 prehistoric hunter-gatherers frozen up in those glaciers. Now, if they simply thaw and wander around, it's not a problem, but if they find a leader — a Captain Caveman, if you will — we'll be facing an even more serious problem." —Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, on the dangers of global warming
"Heating bills this winter are the highest they've been in five years, but President Bush has a plan to combat rising bills. It's called global warming." —Jay Leno
"President Bush is taking more liberal positions. For example global warming. He used to be against it. Now it's the Republican plan for heating homes this winter." -Jay Leno
"Yesterday, a group of scientists warned that because of global warming, sea levels will rise so much that parts of New Jersey will be under water. The bad news? Parts of New Jersey won't be under water." —Conan O'Brien
"Barbra Streisand told Diane Sawyer that we're in a global warming crisis, and we can expect more and more intense storms, droughts and dust bowls. But before they act, weather experts say they're still waiting to hear from Celine Dion." —Jay Leno
"Governor Schwarzenegger spoke about the dangers of global warming. Schwarzenegger's exact words were: fire, hot, bad." —Conan O'Brien