The Week in Quotes 7/12

I’m running for U.S. Senate from the state of Wisconsin and if elected I will initiate a bill to outlaw homosexuality, abortion, and all forms of pornography.
—Wisconsin GOP Senate candidate Ernest J Pagels, Jr, for some reason considered a longshot.

We will talk a little bit about what has transpired in the last 18 months and would we count what has transpired into turning our country into a nation of slaves.
—Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R, MN), who never runs out of offend-o-juice.

Thank you, Scott Brown. When you're starving that it is the best time to go on a diet. You're already used to no food.
—Stephen Colbert, in response to Sen. Scott Brown's (R, MA) vote against extending unemployment benefits because of fiscal concerns.

He was really cute and I liked when he did his speeches.
—Jersey Shore's Snooki Polizzi about why she voted for Sen. John McCain (R, AZ): the issues.

There are fewer people who are willing to stand up and speak truth to power and tell McCain he's being an asshole.
—An ex staffer from McCain's 2008 campaign, who apparently doesn't watch Jersey Shore.

I know that my remarks may have been a little bit confusing or misunderstood. Afghanistan is a war we can win.
—GOP Chairman Michael Steele, confusing people because he was saying exactly the opposite before.

If we can't teach our kids the basics of running a lemonade stand, how can we ever teach Congress the basics of economics?
—Columnist Terry Savage, concerned that kids in her neighborhood were giving away lemonade for free and providing us with the worst quote about lemonade of the week.

And my counsel was to look for some alternatives, which they did. And they found that they had made what was really a lemon situation into lemonade.
—Nevada GOP Senatorial candidate Sharron Angle talking about her advice to a girl who was raped by her father. I take back what I said earlier about lemonade.

I said, ‘Are you kidding? How am I going to pay you a penny?'
—La Rosa Carrington, who miscalculated her cost her of her Cobra premium by one cent and was initially denied benefits from her insurer.

That's exactly the same thing you could say about Obama. He wouldn't have been voted president if he weren't black.
—Rush Limbaugh

He had to win in states where there was almost no black population. If he had lost in Iowa, the first Democratic contest, he would have been through. There are no black people in Iowa. He convinced white people that he really was an agent of change.
—Roger Simon, inexplicably having to explain to Howard Kurtz why Rush Limbaugh's statement was racist.

With the tips that they get to take home, they are some people earning over $100,000 a year.
—Minnesota Gubenatorial candidate Tom Emmer, who suggested cutting the minimum wage in Minnesota. If that's 15%, I'm not exactly sure why that's a bad thing for business.

It is time for a community abused and exploited by outsiders who have never had our best interests at heart to rise and lead our entire country into a renewable energy future. We can and do have the hope and the vision to bring real, diverse jobs, money, health, and generativity that benefits the broader common welfare.
—Ashley Judd, eloquently responding to reports of a poster at a golf tournament that said "Ashley Judd makes a living removing her top, why can't coal minters?" Judd had spoken to the National Press Club against mountaintop removal in Kentucky earlier.